Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today pledged to sign a document declaring he is not racist, in a move that is sure to settle the issue once and for all. “Sure I may only be Prime Minister because of all the immigrants I locked up on an island prison, but that doesn’t mean I’m racist!” explained Morrison. “I’ve also imprisoned a lot of poor white people for getting paid too much by Centrelink, so in the end I think you’ll find I’m equally sociopathic to all races.”
“I hang out with people of different races all the time,” continued Morrison. “Just ask person of colour Karl Stefanovic. I love all races from white to caucasian!”
Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has also come out in defence of the Prime Minister, stating he has seen no evidence of the Prime Minister being racially biased. “Morrison is a saint,” explained Barnaby. “If you could all just ignore those texts that leaked where I called him a lying underhanded monster, you can rest assured that I think the Prime Minister is a wonderful, lovely man who would never racially profile a rival.”
