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Wednesday, June 7, 2023

Sub plan scrapped: Australia to just pay China $300 billion not to invade (The Shovel)

Australia has cancelled its $368 billion submarine purchase, just hours after announcing it, after someone realised it would be cheaper to just give China $300 billion in return for an agreement not to invade.

“It’s a win/win,” a Government spokesperson said. “They’ll get approximately $300 for every man, woman and child in China, and we save $68 bil, which we can use to build a new footy stadium.

“Plus, if we’re being totally honest, half a dozen submarines would’ve done nothing to stop a Chinese invasion anyway, so I think giving them the cash and banking the difference is best for everyone. Best of all, the whole thing can be sorted this afternoon, instead of waiting until 2045”.

Analysts say the down side of the programs cancellation is that 24 jobs will not be created in South Australia in 15 year’s time.

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese agreed to the decision to scrap the project, but only on the proviso that he still gets to do fly-in press conferences with the US President standing in a naval facility.

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