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Wednesday, May 29, 2024

CUTE! Cuddly Pete feeds GORGEOUS baby lamb while discussing new ways to ruthlessly divide nation (The Shovel)

Keen to show off his softer side, Opposition Leader Peter Dutton has been snapped tenderly feeding a bottle of milk to a newborn baby lamb, while outlining his strategy to ruthlessly exploiting the basest instincts of Australia’s national psyche.  

“There are African gangs roaming the streets of Melbourne. Yes there are! Yes there are!” Cuddly Pete cooed, while stroking the little lamb’s head. “People too scared to even go out at night! Did you know that?” he asked, as photographers and journalists around him laughed.

“What’s that little lamb? Oh, that’s just ‘he said/she said my little furry friend. Nothing for you to worry about”.

Lovingly adjusting the bottle so the lamb could continue drinking, Dutton reminded the lamb that the extremist climate views of Australian school teachers was fracturing the nation and that the national curriculum needed to be overhauled. “That’s a little bit scary isn’t it! And there’s a boat of asylum seekers on its way, probably from a country where people look different. Just trying it on. And don’t forget a war with China is imminent. Yes it is. Prepare for war little lamb!”

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