Leaders in Beijing are urgently planning an expensive and humiliating military defeat in Afghanistan, claiming they will not be respected as a true superpower until they have lost an ill-advised war in the Middle Eastern nation.
“We are the equal of other modern superpowers on all measures but one,” a senior member of the Chinese Communist Party told other leaders.
“We have the influence of Great Britain at the height of their powers in the 19th Century. We have the military might of the Soviet Union in the 1980s. We have the economic sway of the United States. But the one thing we haven’t done is monumentally fuck up a war in Afghanistan”.
Sources say plans are already well underway. “There is absolutely no reason for us to invade Afghanistan right now, which is exactly why we need to do it immediately. That is what any superpower worth their salt would do,” one insider said.
Communist Parter leaders say China plans a swift 14-day war starting next month before ending in an embarrassing withdrawal in late 2052.
