The world has been left in shock this week after Russian dictator and Dobby the house elf impersonator, Vladimir Putin, announced that over 150% of Ukrainians have voted in favour of joining Russia in a recent poll.
The results show a huge swing to Russia in the “man wearing 5 different fake moustaches” demographic, with UN inspectors stating that it was the most rigged election they’ve ever seen, before promptly falling out a window.
On top of this stunning result, Putin also announced that leadership polling in Ukraine showed “200% said I am a great leader who is super hot and cool, who is totally doing fine and hasn’t lost the plot. So yeah, big wins all round.”
