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Wednesday, June 7, 2023

New Deliveries Of Excuses Brought Forward, In Vital Boost To Rollout (The Shovel)

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has confirmed that a new shipment of at least two million excuses – originally earmarked for October – will arrive in Australia as soon as next week. The new deliveries will replace stocks already exhausted in the troubled rollout.

In an update to journalists today, the PM said they had been running out of excuses faster than they could replace them. “The sheer pace of the vaccine rollout has meant that the excuses and distractions of the Government are reaching their expiry date very quickly. But this announcement today will provide us with cover for the next few weeks at least”.

Morrison said that the “ATAGI Told Me To Do It” excuse was already near its expiry date and the “It’s Socialist Victoria’s Fault” was no longer as effective against new strains emerging in Sydney.

Even “Lapses In Hotel Quarantine Is A Matter For The States” – originally expected by experts to last until the next election – was beginning to lose traction in key focus groups.

Morrison refused to give details of the new excuses, only confirming that stocks would be plentiful and that many new variants had been sourced. Men dressed in khaki are expected to continue as a mainstay of the program. News Corporation outlets are expected to be critical in the delivery phase.


Michael Quinn

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