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Tuesday, September 27, 2022

Morrison Declares Pandemic Officially Over After CovidSafe App Records 500th Consecutive Day Of Zero Cases (The Shovel)

Standing in front of a banner emblazoned with the words ‘Mission Accomplished’, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has told Australians they can now get back to their pre-pandemic lives after the country notched up 500 Covid-free days, according to the Government’s $20 million app.

“What the technology is telling us is that there is absolutely no trace of the virus in Australia at all. It’s quite remarkable,” the PM said.

“In fact, throughout this global pandemic we’ve only seen one case of Covid-19, and that was when Greg Hunt accidentally got the app working for a few minutes back in August last year”.

When he launched the app last year, Mr Morrison said it would be like wearing sunscreen, an analogy he returned to today. “Sure, sometimes that sunscreen is going to be more of a tanning lotion that gives the impression that it’ll protect you from the sun when in actual fact it gives you cancer. But, as long as it says sunscreen on the bottle, and the ad tells you it’s sunscreen, then that’s sunscreen in my book”.

Headline by Niall Ginsbourg @niall_bigscreen

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