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Monday, May 27, 2024

Medical Miracle: Government halt the spread of Covid by just declaring everywhere a Hillsong Church (The Chaser)

The Federal Government have today declared victory in their battle against the Omicron variant of Covid, by simply declaring the entire country a Hillsong Church, thereby rendering the virus unable to spread. The idea was first formulated after scientists noticed the government had given Hillsong exemptions to hold massive concerts while all other live music was shut down, on the grounds that Covid knows not to spread when it’s in a Church.

“This is a great plan and it will really streamline things,” explained a government representative. “Now we no longer have to waste any more time on the Religious Discrimination Bill as everywhere is holy land and we’re free to persecute as we see fit. Look out anyone who has spoketh unkindly about their butcher’s spouse or concubine because the New Testament is now law.”

However not everyone is pleased with the decision, with some scientists expressing doubts before being stoned to death for witchcraft. “I just OW think we should OW maybe OW COME ON THAT WAS TECHNICALLY MORE OF A BRICK” said one scientist in between pelts, “hold on OW can we just think about whether this is a sensible OW plan OW fine suit yourselves.”

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