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Sunday, July 21, 2024

Govt puts army in charge of vaccine rollout to ensure civilians get shot (The Chaser)

The Prime Minister of Australia has today taken a vacation from his vacation, to announce that the military will be deployed to oversee the vaccine rollout. The government has said this is the obvious choice, as the involvement of the ADF is guaranteed to result in thousands of civilians receiving shots.

“We are ready to fight Covid,” said one army general loading up his gun with needles. “Like an old laptop we’re going to convert Covid into smoking ash.”

However, army generals have admitted that they have an uphill battle ahead of them, and this may be the most difficult rival since that time they lost a war to a bunch of Emus.

“We’ll admit one glaring issue is that our supply line is low at the moment,” admitted one General. “but we’re fairly sure if we deploy enough twerking dancers eventually we can shock Covid into submission.”

“The other issue of course is the rise of vaccine hesitancy, but we have lots of experience pushing through and delivering shots to civilians no matter what laws, national or international, get in the way. Leave it to us and we’ll have the vaccine programme as well managed as Afghanistan within the week.”

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