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Monday, March 4, 2024

Fuck, This Guy Again (The Shovel)

‘Here we fucking go again’, the nation has sighed, following the announcement a drunk, shouty, dog-murdering Kiwi in an Akubra has re-emerged as the second most powerful person in the country.

“Lock up your small dogs and update your employee relationships policies, Barnaby is back,” a spokesperson for the nation said.

“Just when I’d managed to erase from my memory the image of a sweaty Barnaby Joyce having sex in his office with a staffer while wearing nothing but his RM Williams, here he is again ready to tell me all about it.

“Guaranteed by the end of the day we’ll have a press release, a double-page feature article and a TV special with Barnaby giving us an update, then telling us he wants us out of his private life.

“It’s only a matter of time before we get some phone-video rant saying he wants the government out of his life, forgetting he is the actual government.

“And I guess now he’ll start his tour across the country lecturing us about family values while having an affair. It’s all so fucking exhausting.

“At least the other guy was so ineffective we never had to hear from him”.

The nation’s dogs were also on high alert, making sure their papers were in order.

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