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Sunday, March 3, 2024

“Don’t blame me for your mess” God tells Morrison (The Chaser)

Creator of the Universe and prize winning novelist Goddot “God” Smith has today called a press conference to distance himself from Scott Morrison, after the Prime Minister claimed that it was God’s will that he be made Prime Minister. “Mate I know you’re all for passing the buck,” said God during his weekly press conference on the mound, “but if you think for a second I’m going to take the blame for your vaccine fuckup, you’ve got another think coming.”

Morrison has since apologised to God for putting words in his mouth, stating that he never meant to shift the blame to someone else, and also it was all Jenny’s idea. “She’s to blame sir!” Morrison was heard yelling at the sky. “Her and the states! Bloody Dan Andrews, I know he’s behind this somehow!”

Asked who his preferred Prime Minister would be, God said it was not his place to choose sides. “Look if I’m being honest I’m not really that invested in the affairs of humans,” God admitted. “I don’t know why you all think that I’d particularly care about the speck of dust called earth in a universe of a billion billion trillion galaxies. Frankly I’m much more worried about what’s going on in alpha-centurion 9B. The Blargh colony there has started wearing sandals with socks. I’m not one to judge but that’s a bit off.”

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