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Monday, May 27, 2024

Doctors concerned Scott Morrison may have damaged eyesight after he fails to spot any oncoming disasters for four straight years (The Chaser)

Scott Morrison has today celebrated a new medical breakthrough, after successfully completing an operation to render him legally blind to corruption. “There will be no more underhanded, backroom deals under my watch!” declared a triumphant Morrison today. “In fact, absolutely nothing will happen on my watch. I’ll be handing over those duties to my new ears and eyes Rina Ginehart who I have been assured is definitely not just Gina Rineheart putting on a silly voice to fool me.”

Asked whether it might have been easier to just implement the ICAC he’s been promising for four years, instead of going to all the effort of burning out his retinas, Morrison explained he simply doesn’t have time to legislate such things. “Look can’t you see how flat out I am!” said a frustrated Morrison. “Why if I’m not washing someone’s hair, or welding some beams together, I’m needed sitting in high-vis in a truck, or peering out of a plane window for a photo opp. It’s a very busy schedule, even before you consider the time I have to spend not dealing with hotel quarantine or the aged care crisis.”

“Anyway I have to go, I have a very important meeting to attend,” Morrison declared, before walking confidently into a wall.

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